Having a break from modeling

Modeling has been a big part of my life for a few years but unfortunately when I turned 18 I had to choose between studying and continuing my modeling career. Although that was a tough choice I do not regret my decision (okay, maybe sometimes I do). I noticed that even though modeling made me grow up quicker than I would’ve without working in the fashion industry moving to the UK to study made me more mature. It took me some time to adjust to the new way of living I chose by having a break from photo shoots and catwalks, which wasn’t that easy and I still have some habits peeking here and there reminding me of my old lifestyle.

One of the biggest thing I’ve noticed after over a year of my modeling break is that I still count calories and I’m obsessed with my body weight. That should not be that big of a deal since as a student working full time I don’t have that much time to cook for myself and eat healthy all the time so even though I know that I may gain some kilograms it still is a taboo topic to me. From time to time when I manage to get a day off and I don’t have that many deadlines ahead I try to make food for a week so that I always have something healthy in my fridge for next couple of days.

Noticing a pimple on my face is like the end of the fucking world to me. That is probably something that will never change but in modeling when you got a small pimple here or there it meant that you may not get the job you wanted as there are many other girls without skin problems. Even though my appearance is not the part of my job anymore to such extent it still looms in the back of my mind an annoys the hell out of me. Especially now when my forehead decided to grow another head without my permission.

I will never ever ever leave the house without any makeup on. That does not apply to my lectures on Monday since I’m stuck in one cold ass classroom for over 7 hours. Waking up on Mondays is hard enough after a week of working every single day so putting any makeup on is out of question. But throughout the rest of the week I can’t imagine leaving the house without mascara on my lashes and done eyebrows. It is also something that I took up while modeling as the only acceptable time to go somewhere with your bed face and bed hair was when you were going to work – a team of skilled makeup artists and hairstylist would do everything for you so that you look like a human again.

Not talking much when not explicitly asked. That is something that annoys me most of the times but during moving around the world and working with various people I discovered how much silence is being praised all around the world and words – not so much. This obviously gets in the way when we are supposed to have class discussions etc. The social anxiety also plays part in my ‘silence mode through life’ but sometimes it’s helpful. I’m a better listener anyways.

Although I’ve got some old habits that annoy me I know that thanks to my modeling work I became the person that I am now. Young but independent, able to work with others and putting all of my heart into my work. It has shaped me as nothing else could’ve done that and I think it did a pretty good job in this case.

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